Why Self-Love Is Important!
Ever been in multiple situations where you have to compromise on your own self to prove someone that you love them?
If you have found yourself cringing after thinking on this or admitting that you have been stupid enough, then accept my congratulations since you have learned the importance of self-love.
People often confuse sacrificing with bending over backwards for someone. Sharp contrast between the two is in one situation, sacrifice is ultimately reciprocated with regard and respect whereas compromising on yourself is returned with humiliation and an inordinate amount of indifference.
Let me explain it in the following two scenarios:
Scenario A:
Someone who you love has requested you to buy them a watch they are longing for two years but is pretty heavy on your pocket. But since they have requested it and you love them, so you have started working more hours just to save enough for their birthday present. You have put yourself in some tough routine just to give them what they want. They are however not as happy as you had expected and you feel crushed. However, the next time when they ask for something you do not go out of your way and gently excuse yourself out of the situation.
Scenario B:
Someone who you love has requested you to buy them a watch they are longing for two years. You have told them you are not comfortable with the idea of it for some solid ABC reasons. They request you again and you opposing your natural desire or the situation, somehow provide them the watch. Sacrifice made. They are happy but only temporarily and you decide to further make them happy by doing and saying things that could make them happy and find yourself enslaved to their mood swings and thoughtlessness. Compromise on your own self.
In both the cases, if you look closely, you have been presented with a tough situation and after the efforts you have put in, you are found unhappy with the results. However, in the Scenario A, you simply decided to love yourself a little more than who you love and preferred not going through pain the next time. That is what we call self-love. Whereas, in the scenario B, you did not prefer to give up and ended up in a completely unbalanced situation where you are trying to appease someone with what they want, which after they get, want everything but you. You don't stop bending over backwards and they don't stop taking you for-granted.
First scenario forges a stronger bond as your loved one realizes at one point of time their fault which is followed by reciprocation and a more in-tuned behavior next time. Second scenario gives rise to disruption of peace, depression and abnormal balance of a relationship where giver feels used and taker - well taker does not feel anything.
Next when you are putting yourself in a situation for someone, ask yourself three questions:
1. Are they interested in you only when they want something?
2. Do they take you for-granted every time they get away with what they want?
3. Do they care if you get upset on their behavior or just shrug it off?
If you have all the answers in negative and you still find yourself going an extra mile for them, let me break the bad news here, its NOT love. Its slavery that you have embraced out of a hope that some day they might change and will realize how great of a person you are but unfortunately that never happens. What happens is self-depreciation and extreme form of low-esteem with no results to savor on in the name of sacrifice.
If they love you, they will never be selfish or bad to you nor will make you go through a situation which gives them temporary sugar high but brings lasting sadness to you. If they do, well, then who needs someone like that in life, anyway!
I am all for giving abundantly and not expecting anything back as long as I know the other person intent is not to hurt me in any possible way. Maybe saying NO and being selfish enough to defend myself against anything that is not good for me makes me remain at peace to give and sacrifice more.
Love the ones you claim to love but love yourself enough to not to be a fool in the process!
About the Author: Believes in herself!
If you have found yourself cringing after thinking on this or admitting that you have been stupid enough, then accept my congratulations since you have learned the importance of self-love.
People often confuse sacrificing with bending over backwards for someone. Sharp contrast between the two is in one situation, sacrifice is ultimately reciprocated with regard and respect whereas compromising on yourself is returned with humiliation and an inordinate amount of indifference.
Let me explain it in the following two scenarios:
Scenario A:
Someone who you love has requested you to buy them a watch they are longing for two years but is pretty heavy on your pocket. But since they have requested it and you love them, so you have started working more hours just to save enough for their birthday present. You have put yourself in some tough routine just to give them what they want. They are however not as happy as you had expected and you feel crushed. However, the next time when they ask for something you do not go out of your way and gently excuse yourself out of the situation.
Be direct if needed!
Scenario B:
Someone who you love has requested you to buy them a watch they are longing for two years. You have told them you are not comfortable with the idea of it for some solid ABC reasons. They request you again and you opposing your natural desire or the situation, somehow provide them the watch. Sacrifice made. They are happy but only temporarily and you decide to further make them happy by doing and saying things that could make them happy and find yourself enslaved to their mood swings and thoughtlessness. Compromise on your own self.
In both the cases, if you look closely, you have been presented with a tough situation and after the efforts you have put in, you are found unhappy with the results. However, in the Scenario A, you simply decided to love yourself a little more than who you love and preferred not going through pain the next time. That is what we call self-love. Whereas, in the scenario B, you did not prefer to give up and ended up in a completely unbalanced situation where you are trying to appease someone with what they want, which after they get, want everything but you. You don't stop bending over backwards and they don't stop taking you for-granted.
First scenario forges a stronger bond as your loved one realizes at one point of time their fault which is followed by reciprocation and a more in-tuned behavior next time. Second scenario gives rise to disruption of peace, depression and abnormal balance of a relationship where giver feels used and taker - well taker does not feel anything.
Free Advice: Love unconditionally only the one who is interested more in you than what you are giving them.
Next when you are putting yourself in a situation for someone, ask yourself three questions:
1. Are they interested in you only when they want something?
2. Do they take you for-granted every time they get away with what they want?
3. Do they care if you get upset on their behavior or just shrug it off?
If you have all the answers in negative and you still find yourself going an extra mile for them, let me break the bad news here, its NOT love. Its slavery that you have embraced out of a hope that some day they might change and will realize how great of a person you are but unfortunately that never happens. What happens is self-depreciation and extreme form of low-esteem with no results to savor on in the name of sacrifice.
If they love you, they will never be selfish or bad to you nor will make you go through a situation which gives them temporary sugar high but brings lasting sadness to you. If they do, well, then who needs someone like that in life, anyway!
I am all for giving abundantly and not expecting anything back as long as I know the other person intent is not to hurt me in any possible way. Maybe saying NO and being selfish enough to defend myself against anything that is not good for me makes me remain at peace to give and sacrifice more.
Love the ones you claim to love but love yourself enough to not to be a fool in the process!
About the Author: Believes in herself!
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